okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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