Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
