So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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