Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
