I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
