Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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