I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
