I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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