I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
