girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
