Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
