Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
