Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
