we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize