we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
