you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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