oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
