he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
