we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
