dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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