I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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