I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
