That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Brb crying the tears of my youth
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
