I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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