Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
