it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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