All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
