I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize