i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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