I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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