in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
