i wish my penis had a tongue
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
