You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
