The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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