honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i was born a porn star she said
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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