I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
