Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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