I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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