Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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