I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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