its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
