i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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