I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
