I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
even my farts smell like vagina
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
