How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
