i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
