Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
