Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
