They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
