Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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