are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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