Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
