i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
the raccoons are back...
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