The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
