im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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