Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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