That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
