i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
