I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
