your thong is hanging out like whoa
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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