when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I am puke
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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