I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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