There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize