u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
