I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I understand Curling. That high.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize