for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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