i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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