ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
