proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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