So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
