Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
