I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We got so high we made milksteak
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
